We live in what my teacher used to call the “duniya”-the world where the elements; earth, fire, water, air, and ether are constantly at odds with one another; fighting, trying always to overcome each other.

These same elements make up our bodies.

Around us we see war, past wars, incumbent wars, and we wonder why history repeats itself in such vicious cycles. Do we never learn?

Bawa Muhaiyaddeen used to say that this is simply the way of the world but that the true struggle, the true jihad, in the original meaning of the word at the time of Muhammed (pbuh), was the struggle inside us between light and dark or good and evil and that if we performed the jihad correctly there would be no outer war.

It’s interesting to note that two of the greatest triumphs in history of man over immensely powerful immoral authority were embodied by Gandhi and  Mandela, both poor and vulnerable at the time of their victories.

Something to think about.

Getting married has one important truth and one great challenge.

A person entering marriage will become aware for the first time that he/she no longer can do the things freely that were done before. The ego must be chopped back (almost to the ground) if the marriage is to be truly successful, otherwise marriage is only a contract.

Responsibility is elevated to a point we have not known previously. One becomes responsible for the welfare, health, and general well-being of a partner. It is wise to ask oneself, “Are we able to take responsibility for another’s well-being as well as our own?”

Commitment – it is said that for the husband the wife is God and for the wife the husband is God.

What does this mean?

Treat others as you would be treated, remembering that each action is being witnessed by God. Practice of good qualities (patience, tolerance, forgiveness, compassion and understanding) is the highest station one can reach in this world and is very difficult to do.

For one must transcend personality, blame and fault finding and carry out these qualities and actions with compassion and wisdom as the sole criteria.

- Locke Rush

What has taken place before a person walks down the aisle? What do we bring to this union? What is the mind-set of people entering marriage? In essence, why are we the way we are? What has conditioned us and how?

We are all alike in one sense. We all want the same thing peace. Most of us never find it because we are looking for it in the wrong place. Free will is for many the summum bonnum. If we can do what we want, we think this will guarantee happiness. The idea seems to be that happiness is a gold ring to grab as we go round and round on the carousel of life.

We have been conditioned to win. We are taught from an early age that winning is a great thing. Just watch parents at a little league contest! And look at our society today with the enormous importance placed on winning and gaining control. Vince Lombardi, the great NFL football coach said, “Winning isn’t everythingit’s the only thing!” We often take this saying to heart, as if it were a heavenly pronouncement. Rarely does a day pass in the average household that the husband isn’t glued to the TV, savoring the triumph or cursing the defeat of his favorite team. Elated investors watch their stock rise as a big company takes over a smaller company.

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“Marriage changes things. It is the exact opposite of flying free because both people have to compromise their way of behaving and even their convictions. In other words, the real struggle is with ourselves, not with our partner. We cannot change anyone else. The only war worth fighting takes place in the battlefield of the heart. “