The heart of a woman is  similar to a flower.It can very quickly develop a beautiful,loving fragrance.If we carefully pick it and carefully take in the fragrance, it will give us the perfume. But if we pluck it impatiently and crush it in our hands, it will give us the smell of a crushed flower. It will not give us the original fragrance. You must not crush the heart of the woman in your life. You must not crush it or squeeze it.We must touch it with care, pick it with care, and smell the fragrance with care. It is only then that it will benefit you. The heart of a woman is very delicate and tender.

     M.R.Bawa Muhaiyaddeen

         A wise man once said that the greatest prayer we can offer is to do duty to and to  serve others ; even greater is to serve others with a ‘melting heart’. When we truly listen – this is indeed service and an act of love.

writing poetry

this morning.

My wife is ill;

It’s like 

I am too.

I don’t like it 

but this is the way

it should be.

Every pain ofour

fellow human being

Should be ours.

The cynic says, But

I’m separate; Why 

should I have her pain?

It’s not that I get

sick,It’s that my

heart understands her pain.

And with this open 

heart I am able to 

receive help and grace.

Without it,I am closed off;

My garden is covered with plastic

And the plants can’t grow.

When we live alone or spend much of our time alone, we can fool ourselves about the progress we are making, but we can never fool a partner or a close friend.

This person, so close to us, is our mirror, reflecting the consequences of our thoughts and actions.

I learned more about spirituality in my first year of living with my wife than I learned while I was in the Zen Buddhist monastery.

I have a small clientele and most of them are working on marriage difficulties.

So many things that people argue about are not that important.

What simple, wonderful advice it was when Bawa Muhaiyaddeen told me to correct my own faults instead of focusing on my wife’s faults. It has worked beautifully for me and for most of my clients. But so many times over the years I have relapsed, forgetting my shortcomings and zeroing in on hers.

Each time I start finding faults in her, the situation gets worse; whenever I tend to the weeding in my own garden, I see good results.

Think about it.

A wise person told me once that a person’s character is his/her religion.

The way a person treats his/her spouse is the truest reflection of his/her religion.

Whether it’s a marriage or another kind of relationship there will always be conflicts that arise. How we deal with them affects our own peace, the peace of the other and the peace of the relationship.

If we get angry or jealous or fearful, we must remember first and foremost that the fault is in us, regardless of the action or words of the other.

If our heart is peaceful then there will be no reaction and we will respond with love.

However, if our heart is turbulent then surely we will respond in kind, with agitation and vengeance.

The trick to practicing the above is not to expect a reward from our peaceful response but to do it simply for the sake of its own goodness.

If we learn to do this much in the same way we stop at a red light or brush our teeth in the morning,
then we avoid accidents and sickness.

We can hope but never expect.

This attitude needs to become permanent. If this is done our whole lives will change.

It is miraculous but, like all things, takes time.

Think about this.

A person entering marriage will become aware for the first time that he/she no longer can do the things freely that were done before. The ego must be chopped back (almost to the ground) if the marriage is to be truly successful, otherwise marriage is only a contract.

Responsibility is elevated to a point we have not known previously. One becomes responsible for the welfare, health, and general well-being of a partner. It is wise to ask oneself, “Are we able to take responsibility for another’s well-being as well as our own?”

Commitment – it is said that for the husband the wife is God and for the wife the husband is God.

What does this mean?

Treat others as you would be treated, remembering that each action is being witnessed by God. Practice of good qualities (patience, tolerance, forgiveness, compassion and understanding) is the highest station one can reach in this world and is very difficult to do.

For one must transcend personality, blame and fault finding and carry out these qualities and actions with compassion and wisdom as the sole criteria.

- Locke Rush