Marriage or any close committed relationship offers a grand opportunity to embrace Jihad ( the struggle with the ego).

When we live alone or spend much of our time alone, we can fool ourselves about the progress we are making, but we can never fool a partner or a close friend.

This person, so close to us, is our mirror, reflecting the consequences of our thoughts and actions.

I learned more about spirituality in my first year of living with my wife than I learned while I was in the Zen Buddhist monastery.

I see my own troubles mirrored in the struggles that my clients undergo.

I have a small clientele and most of them are working on marriage difficulties.

So many things that people argue about are not that important.

What simple, wonderful advice it was when Bawa Muhaiyaddeen told me to correct my own faults instead of focusing on my wife’s faults. It has worked beautifully for me and for most of my clients. But so many times over the years I have relapsed, forgetting my shortcomings and zeroing in on hers.

Each time I start finding faults in her, the situation gets worse; whenever I tend to the weeding in my own garden, I see good results.

God sent his prophets to earth to bring the truth, not religions.

Think about it.

A wise person told me once that a person’s character is his/her religion.

The way a person treats his/her spouse is the truest reflection of his/her religion.

My dear brothers and sisters, what we put out comes back to us.

Whether it’s a marriage or another kind of relationship there will always be conflicts that arise. How we deal with them affects our own peace, the peace of the other and the peace of the relationship.

If we get angry or jealous or fearful, we must remember first and foremost that the fault is in us, regardless of the action or words of the other.

If our heart is peaceful then there will be no reaction and we will respond with love.

However, if our heart is turbulent then surely we will respond in kind, with agitation and vengeance.

The trick to practicing the above is not to expect a reward from our peaceful response but to do it simply for the sake of its own goodness.

If we learn to do this much in the same way we stop at a red light or brush our teeth in the morning,
then we avoid accidents and sickness.

We can hope but never expect.

This attitude needs to become permanent. If this is done our whole lives will change.

It is miraculous but, like all things, takes time.